Bright Sparks or Dull Embers?
A girlfriend of mine is unhappy with the guys she's meeting through an online dating service (obviously, it's not Friendsation!). Her main complaint is that she's waiting for lightening to strike, yet comes away from coffee dates pretty unexcited about the dudes she's meeting, and couldn't care less whether she ever saw them again. She's asking me if she's being silly by expecting immediate, loin-warming chemistry at first sight. So it got me thinking about my past relationships and whether the guy instantly bowled me over in a star-struck stupor, or whether they gradually grew on me - like mould. I worked out there'd been a bit of both, and that the ones who grew on me slowly ended up being the best relationships. Fancy that!
Jack was instant attraction - so stunningly gorgeous you didn't want to tear your eyes away from him. I was smitten. Works out he was awaiting a lawsuit for (allegedly) having hit his model ex-girlfriend in the face and destroying her modelling career. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, (he hadn't been found guilty), I had him over for dinner and when he realised we weren't gonna go the casual sex route (pardon the pun), he totally cooled and that was the end of that. Who knows, he might even be in jail.
Stuart came onto me at a concert. I wasn't interested (he was scrawny), but he kinda hung around and persisted, came to the nightclub afterwards and joined us for a 6.30am breakfast at my favourite bakery in Fitzroy Street, St Kilda. He then wooed me for a while and, much to my surprise, we ended up dating for a year and a half and it wasn't half bad.
D's a super spunky, super-muscly sex machine with gorgeous eyes and lips. Goes without saying I was pashing him in the nightclub after knowing him for about 5 minutes (well, I was only 19 or so). Madly in lust with him for several months, he then disappeared overseas and married another chick. Hmmpphhhh!!!! And then, on his return to Oz, turns out his wife's pretty frigid and he wants me for sex and her for the facade of a happy relationship. How about a nice bit of Fuck Off?
Brian was persistent. I was running a 7-day-a-week restaurant at the time and had little time for anything else. He'd call in frequently, ring and harass me till I went out with him. He didn't grab me at first. He was so loud and er...sorry...so New York. Didn't stop jabbering for a second. Anyhow, he turned out to be super sweet (when I could shut him up), he was a chef and jumped in to give me a hand with the shop and was totally cool.
So, what happened to Brian? I stuffed it up in a moment of weakness with D! Well, I am only human after all. Anyhow, the point of opening the closet and pulling out these skeletons is that all of my good ones happened gradually over time even though were no sparks at the beginning. That leads me to conclude that one coffee date really isn't enough to properly suss out a potential partner. Unless they're so vile you want to puke, I'd suggest catching up with them a few times, especially 'cos everyone's so nervous the first time, you don't get a good idea of each other anyway.
How have your relationships started? As friends you end up falling in love with? Or as a lightening bolt, love- at-first-sight moment? Juji x
