Juji's Blog

G'day guys and gals. Well it's been an interesting week in Melbourne and I thought I'd bring you a few snippets to help you get a taste for this great city. There's a huge debacle going on regarding AFL footy - that's Aussie Rules football where very cute guys run round in very short shorts. See, girls ARE into sports! (Did I say sports? Maybe I meant shorts). In a game between St Kilda and Freemantle, the umpire didn't hear the end-of-game siren and let a dude kick a point after the siren that tied the game. St Kilda is up in arms (understandably) as they were one point up before the fuck up. My team, Collingwood, naturally renowned for the cutest boys in very short shorts, thrashed the opposition by about 45 points, so I don't really give a rats arse about the other game.

A coupla miners have been trapped 1 km underground after a rockfall caused a tremor in Tasmania (that's the little island bit that floats round the bottom of the country). They've found the dudes alive (after 5 days) and their bustin' their arse trying to get them out without dropping a shitload more rocks on top of them. Makes you wanna take a big, long breath in. I'd die from cluastrophobia or some sort of other phobia I reckon.

So, I did a huge road trip this weekend to see a Xavier Rudd concert at Eldorado's Bilyana natural amphitheatre three and a half hours drive from Melbourne. He's worth it! If you don't know his stuff, I implore you to check out www.xavierrudd.com (speakers on). He's a super cool dude, gorgeous as eva and so amazingly talented. Originally from Torquay, a sea side town about an hour from Melbourne (but who's made it big OS), he plays about a stack of acoustic and indigenous instruments simultaneously, is a bit bluesy and definitely reggeaish and, given he's into Aboriginal culture, the didgeridoo joins in for fun. It's awesome - layback and rhythmy. Bilyana is an Aboriginal sacred site, so we had all these elders and stuff hanging round, aboriginal support acts and so on. We even had a veggie coffee shop, where they give you honey as a sweetener instead of sugar. While I do condone all things natural, I'm a city chick and told the chick not to fuck up my latte with honey, soy or any other godforsaken, foul-tasting substitute, or I'd have no choice but to kill her slowly.

On the way up on the outskirts of Melbourne, I stopped at a chemist (drugstore to you) in Brunswick and was shocked to see a security guard at the door, who explained that with all the bars and clubs nearby and the amount of drugs they carry, they gotta have security. WTF? On the way home, we stopped for petrol (gas) in St Kilda, a pretty seedy, yet somehow exciting part of town, and lo and behold, another security guard at the store. Again, WTF! Is this sorta thing normal in the states 'cos it's a pretty new development here? So, while the city's busy trying to protect itself from drug-fucked thieves, I was in the middle of the Australian outback with a bunch of peace-loving hippies groovin to the sounds under the stars, amongst the gum trees, with a bunch of old couches and bits of carpet thrown round the amphitheatre, and warmed by a few huge fires and lots of red wine. Let me die here I thought. I reckon it's how Woodstock might have felt in the sixties and yeah there was heaps of dope in the air. I don't do drugs but didn't have to 'cos there was enough good vibes in the air standing up on my coffee table (yeah, I had the best 'seat' in the house).

My fav band has re-grouped. The Untouchables (hate the name but who cares - as long as they sound good) are playing at The Urchin Bar in Hampton Wed's, and Beach's of Mornington Thursdays. Yeah, so I had a pretty bleary-eyes week! But great to be out 'n' about, checkin' out the guys, catching up with friends and keepin' warm with good vibes and friends. The ol' hips are starting to loosen up with lotsa dancing after a bit of a dry run - perfect for when my other dry run ends too.

I'm doing a photography course that's busting my technologically-retarded brain. If I succeed, I'll bring you some of my own pix sometime, but don't hold your breath. Google Xavier Rudd (Images) for a closer look of this beautiful boy. Girls, take my word for it. Guys, this is what we want you to look like.

So, whateva you're up to while you're runnin' out and trying to stay sane in this mad ol' world, don't forget to plug in some fun stuff that makes the whole shebang worthwhile.
Juji x

A girlfriend of mine is unhappy with the guys she's meeting through an online dating service (obviously, it's not Friendsation!). Her main complaint is that she's waiting for lightening to strike, yet comes away from coffee dates pretty unexcited about the dudes she's meeting, and couldn't care less whether she ever saw them again. She's asking me if she's being silly by expecting immediate, loin-warming chemistry at first sight. So it got me thinking about my past relationships and whether the guy instantly bowled me over in a star-struck stupor, or whether they gradually grew on me - like mould. I worked out there'd been a bit of both, and that the ones who grew on me slowly ended up being the best relationships. Fancy that!

Jack was instant attraction - so stunningly gorgeous you didn't want to tear your eyes away from him. I was smitten. Works out he was awaiting a lawsuit for (allegedly) having hit his model ex-girlfriend in the face and destroying her modelling career. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, (he hadn't been found guilty), I had him over for dinner and when he realised we weren't gonna go the casual sex route (pardon the pun), he totally cooled and that was the end of that. Who knows, he might even be in jail.

Stuart came onto me at a concert. I wasn't interested (he was scrawny), but he kinda hung around and persisted, came to the nightclub afterwards and joined us for a 6.30am breakfast at my favourite bakery in Fitzroy Street, St Kilda. He then wooed me for a while and, much to my surprise, we ended up dating for a year and a half and it wasn't half bad.

D's a super spunky, super-muscly sex machine with gorgeous eyes and lips. Goes without saying I was pashing him in the nightclub after knowing him for about 5 minutes (well, I was only 19 or so). Madly in lust with him for several months, he then disappeared overseas and married another chick. Hmmpphhhh!!!! And then, on his return to Oz, turns out his wife's pretty frigid and he wants me for sex and her for the facade of a happy relationship. How about a nice bit of Fuck Off?

Brian was persistent. I was running a 7-day-a-week restaurant at the time and had little time for anything else. He'd call in frequently, ring and harass me till I went out with him. He didn't grab me at first. He was so loud and er...sorry...so New York. Didn't stop jabbering for a second. Anyhow, he turned out to be super sweet (when I could shut him up), he was a chef and jumped in to give me a hand with the shop and was totally cool.

So, what happened to Brian? I stuffed it up in a moment of weakness with D! Well, I am only human after all. Anyhow, the point of opening the closet and pulling out these skeletons is that all of my good ones happened gradually over time even though were no sparks at the beginning. That leads me to conclude that one coffee date really isn't enough to properly suss out a potential partner. Unless they're so vile you want to puke, I'd suggest catching up with them a few times, especially 'cos everyone's so nervous the first time, you don't get a good idea of each other anyway.

How have your relationships started? As friends you end up falling in love with? Or as a lightening bolt, love- at-first-sight moment? Juji x

I read an article the other day that pissed me off big time. In fact, it was downright condescending. It was basically claiming that we seek out partners who most closely resemble our parents in an attempt to get needs met that weren't met as a child. While I do agree to an extent (and I have had my fair share of father figures), the article failed to state that once we've made the same mistakes over and over again, some of us actually do end up learning our lessons and look for partners from a whole different perspective. Some of us have learned to deal with and accept the shitload of dysfunction most of us grew up in, and not let it dictate every move we make. In fact, I run like a screaming mad woman from men that show any inkling, any tiny iota, of resemblance to my father. Goes without saying, he's a bit of a deadshit.

The article made me question my attraction to this particular guy who's been on my mind for a while. I listed all the characteristics my dad possesses and all of this guy's and, much to my relief, none of them matched! Yippeee. Yay and hooray for me! Anyhow, it got me really thinking about what I do want in a partner. He's gotta, in no particular order:

- be a passionate, exploring lover with a sense of adventure (I said, in no particular order, but interesting that's the first thing that came up!)
- He's gotta be an excellent communicator, great listener and full of intelligent ideas
- He needs to be into words, books and music
- He needs a sense of humour
- He's gotta adore me and do little, unexpected things
- He's gotta have that certain spark that sets him out from the rest
- Money wouldn't go astray, but it ain't a huge priority
- Most importantly of all, he's gotta support and encourage who I am and all that I want to achieve in my life, and, of course, I'd do the same for him.

What I also want from a guy is what's stated in the poem, The Invitation, at: http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/. Sure, I aim high, but if I reach for the stars, I may end up with a fluffy, white cloud someday, and that's okay.

So, after that little bit of soul-searching, I'm wondering what's important to you in a partner. It's easy to float along blindly from one attraction to the next without really thinking about what we want and why. It's important, especially if you believe that thoughts create reality - which I do. Think about it, once we're clearer about what we want, we're more likely to get it. If we fumble around in a fog, we're gonna attract all the wrong sorts of people. So, I wanna challenge you a bit this week. Do you dare make a really detailed list of all you want in a partner, and see if what you're looking for is your idealised mother or father figure? Do you want your partner to fix up all the havoc your parents created, or have you fixed it up yourself? Yeah, I know many of you are gonna run like a screaming mad woman/man from the task. It takes work and means you need to take an honest, bold look at yourself. But some of you gutsier ones out there will take up the challenge, share it with me like I have with you, and probably be much better off for it.

What's important in a partner and why? Juji x

Well, we ain't in Winter actually - it just feels like it in Melbourne and the blasts of icy air make you want to curl up with someone super sweet and just cuddle up under the doona. Melbourne's turned on the most freezing autumn in history (well, in my memory anyways), and we're all running round trying to get used to it. Good forms of adaptation include drinking lots of high grade wine, eating warm, roasted chestnuts and looking like a stumbling fool in front of thousands of people while you try and do impossible gravity-defying, gyrating salsa movements at an al fresco Latin dance class on wet grass. So I obliged yesterday at the Latin Wine Funk Festival in the undulating hills of the Rochford Winery in the Yarra Valley.

We all started off rugged up in our winter woolies, there was great pushing and shoving to huddle in around the open fire and the atmosphere was a tad reserved. By the end of the day, liquid amber was flowing through our veins, many layers of clothing had been stripped off and the dance floor (read wet muddy lawn) was a sea of synchronised samba, shimmies and shakes interrupted by the occasional bumbling fool who'd consumed far too much alcohol and was simply rolling and cavorting around on the wet ground. Then the piggy-backing started, the pulling of girl's g's up into the nether regions resulting in squeals of resentment (read pure delight at the attention) and a mass of hot bods looking for more action at the after party. The air was infused with seductive, "I wanna fuck you" looks and I'm sure those dreams were realised by many by the time the night was out. All in all, it was a super day.

Given I gotta wait till October for the Cuban Jazz festival, I thought I'd better put some other things in place to keep the blood pumping and the juices flowing. A new masseur has just started working at a place I work at part time and all the staff get a free first massage. Trouble is, the guy is super, super, super hot! Drop-dead-gorgeous-like hot. While this might sound great, it's actually a bit of a challenge. While I'm supposed to be relaxing while he works my muscles, I'm gonna be fantasising about rolling him onto the table and massaging his entire body with mine. How's a gal supposed to relax under these stimulating circumstances I ask you? While his sign says he does, relaxation, remedial and lymphatic massages, I reckon I might have to add, "Sexually Stimulating, Super Turn On Massages" to the list. In the ideal world, unless you're gonna fuck him, a masseur needs to be either female or rather ugly - that way you're not left with an irresistible urge to lock the door, get those oils smoothed all over everywhere and consummate what would be a very delightful afternoon. What's your take on masseurs? Hot or not?

My fav band has regrouped, with a different make-up, and start Wednesday week. Again, this is gonna be a sublime winter warmer. Uninhibited dancing to super groovy music for three or so hours is enough to piss any cold and crap off into the wind. It's almost better than sex...I said almost. Ideally, you do the three hours of uninhibited dancing followed by three hours of uninhibited sex. Yeah!

What do the changing seasons do to your sex life? Lots of guys I know reckon summer's the big turn on time? I reckon winter's sexier in a more subtle, romantic sort of way, and conjures up images of shaggy rugs and fireplaces. Autumn? Dunno, maybe drop your clothes like trees drop their leaves, stand there bare naked and see what happens. What do you reckon? Juji x

Okay, so the subject may be a little uncomfortable for some - but it shouldn't be - maybe that's half the problem. Guys, you need to better understand the challenges PMS means for women, and gals, you need to understand why the hell we suffer it in the first place. I'm wondering about why the most natural cycle on earth, the one that happens to align with the moon, (hence the name, Moontime) and the one that allows us to keep re-populating the planet, is filled with stress, aggro and lots of issues for women. While I don't have any clear answers yet, it's bugging me so I thought I'd open it up for your ideas. I'll get the ball rolling:

-I reckon it's our attitude, mercilessly conditioned into our brains, about periods that created all the fuss in the first place, and then gazillions of books have written on the topic trying to undo the whole mess.
-How many of us had it drummed into our heads from a young age that it's The Curse? Dunno 'bout you, but curse to me means witches, voodoo dolls and green-vomit-spewing heads spinning 360 degrees. Ain't that something to look forward to every month.
-Some cultures (don't know where, but tribal ones somewhere) have all these rituals that go on around the time that actually honour the whole process as the life giving process it is. The women are treated in special ways and I'm imagining all the wise grandmas sitting round together under the moon and passing on years of wisdoms, chanting and celebrating.
-We've been conditioned to march on regardless, ever stoic, and get on with our gruelling daily lives. While I'm all for not collapsing into a non-functioning heap, I do think most women don't really stop to acknowledge this time and give themselves whatever it is they're needing at the time - whether it's more downtime, or whatever.
-Our society doesn't have time to fully respect the feminine. We're all to busy trying to survive in a society largely controlled by men.
- PMS has been the butt of TOO many jokes. Instead of trying to understand and help a woman through, too many men write it off as hysterical behaviour. We wouldn't be acting so hysterical if we were getting what we needed.
- I was debating whether to turn this into a funny blog, but fuck the funnies about this subject. I'm sick to death of it. I tell my chiro about stress during PMT and he, note the 'he', says, "I'm not buying it", cos he believes in mind over matter. All well and good and so do I, but unless you're a chick, you have no bloody right to comment.
- So you guys can open your minds and so us gals know lots of us struggle with this, I'll give you a little personal insight into my PMS - not 'cos I'm into telling the whole planet personal stuff about me, but 'cos it's about time we talked about it and understood it more.

- I normally pump hours of energy into my work every day and I love it. During PMS, I run for hours and feel like I get nowhere. Mind processes are slower and mind-fucking thoughts keep running round the brain trying to sabotage everything I do.
- Normally-high confidence levels plummet.
- Frustration at not being able to achieve all that I usually do makes me want to punch someone.
- The bodily tension makes me feel having a weeklong body massage while lying in bed, but I can't tell that to the people who pay me, so I pump out less-than-stunning work, which gives me the utter shits.
- I quit doing all the stuff that keeps me sane and healthy (daily walking, uplifting reading, drinking lots of water, etc) 'cos I'm too damn stressed to do it. I crave and eat crap like calorie laden Cornettos (one a night) and Curry Laksa (Yum, but the coconut milk's a heart stopper).
- I normally love life and all of its adventures, but I hate the whole PMS process and the whole world during that week.
- One quarter of my life is spent in this state.

Guys, what are your experiences/views on the subject?
Gals, where are you at on this and any tips on managing it better?

Signing off to go find myself a tribe of wise elders and sit under the moon...Juji x