Juji's Blog

I have a tendency to put my big foot in it. Full of good intentions I am, but the number of times I make a total fool of myself has me wondering whether I have a missing gene or chromosome of something. Take, this last weekend for example. I was driving home after a day on the coast, and was busting for a wee. Naturally, there was no loo in sight. I drove along, squeezed tight and eventually started to break out into a holding-too-long-type-of-sweat. Up in the distant yonder, I finally spotted a convenience store. While not too keen on the prospect of peeing in a public loo in the middle of nowhere, my bladder was screaming at me to just get on with it.

It had one unisex toilet. So much for convenience! I entered the bathroom only to discover that the sliding door to the loo was seriously jammed. I repeat, so much for convenience. I have very long, metallic-silver fingernails at the moment (hopefully it's a passing phase) and managed to curl them around the door's edge through a tiny gap. Very careful not to break a nail, I pulled and yanked on the door with all my might. Sometimes these doors come off the tracking and get stuck and a bit of a shove the right way unsticks them. I'll have it open in a jiffy. Pull, yank, the door was proving to be a bit trickier than I hoped. I made sure I had solid footing, put all my weight into every gut-wrenching yank, and heaved and pulled to no avail. By now, I was looking like a boiled beetroot in a pot - red, sweaty and jigging up and down. Not one to be deterred by life's little challenges, I decided I would get that door open if my life depended on it. Another tactic maybe. Maybe if I just put my hands flat against the door and pushed, instead of trying to slide it open, then maybe the stupid thing would budge. Still no good! Back to strategy one. I wound my metallic-silver talons around the door's edge and gave an almighty heave with a good, hearty grunt.

"There's someone in here," said the toilet in a deep, gruff voice.

My eyes widened in horror, then I burst out laughing. I clapped my hands over my mouth so the poor guy couldn't hear me, and bits of spit were flying out everywhere. The idea of meeting this guy in the tiny washroom, after such a serious invasion of his privacy, was worse than death. I bolted, bustled myself out the door, tripped on the way through and landed face-to-face with some cleaning products on a low shelf. I think I created a spectacle. I slunk away into a corner and hid till I was sure the man was gone. With all this drama going on, the urge to pee had passed, but I went anyway in case I created some sort of humiliating scene further along the road.

Thinking back to other embarrassing moments, I realise this isn't even the worst one, but I'd be writing a book if I were to tell you about all of them. Hey, now there's an in idea. Okay, so fess up. What have been some of your most embarrassing moments? And, on the subject of nails, are you into scratching? Being the scratcher or the scatchee? A guy I knew always wanted his bum scratched and I'd feel like telling him to scratch his own, especially when it came to his balls - it's kinda reminiscent of a dog havin' a good ol' scratch in the park - not a visual I particularly like to entertain during foreplay! Juji x

I thought I might fill you in what's goin' on round town. It's a pretty busy time with festivals, outdoor events and a huge build up to the Commonwealth Games. It's going to be mayhem, as well as lots of fun. The official countdown is 22 days to go. There'll be a huge, free festival - including circuses, live music (lots of Latin and African for hot-blooded dancing), yummy food, ridiculous amounts of wine, shows and art exhibitions and the list goes on. Oh yeah. There'll be sport too I reckon. Should be a whole lotta fun. We had the gay and lesbian Midsumma festival last weekend. It, like always, was a blast.

Aussies however seem to be laying low a bit of late. We've all had our summer hols and it seems lots of people are already stuck in a bit of a work grind (I personally prefer a different king of grind, but that's another story). Our summer finished early. It's not officially over, but the days and nights are much cooler. I went down the beach yesterday and even though it was still a gorgeous day, there weren't many people around. We went from 5-day heatwaves of 40 degrees (I think you double it and add 30 for Fahrenheit - or something like that) to going to bed with hot wheat bags and the heater on! Still, most days are sunny and nice - I guess it's more Springish. Must say I'm feelin' a bit cheated though. It usually stays pretty hot till the end of March, so I got no idea what's goin' on. What I do know is my suntan's fading fast and I gotta get out there when I can.

On another note, Xavier Rudd, Aussie, dreadlock boy from surftown, Torquay, was due to do a concert at a wild natural ampitheatre in the middle of nowhere (Wangaratta) - on my birthday. Of course, it was a sign from God! So I got tickets, only to find out later he had to postpone due to a severe throat infection. How rude! No matter, I've got it to look forward to in April. I also scored two free tickets to the Latin Wine Funk Festival coming up at the Rochford Winery in the stunningly beautiful Yarra Valley. Wine, great food, salsa and samba, lots of and boys - it's gonna be wild!

In the meantime, my fridge is too warm so food's going off faster than I can eat it.
My stove's too hot and won't turn down, so everything burns.
My stick blender struck a plum pip and spat the dummy.
So, faced with a burnt, lumpy pumpkin soup, I decide this could be an excellent opportunity for losing weight. Or on second thoughts, this is an excellent opportunity to dine out more!

What's going on in your home town? Yeah, I know you ain't got the Commonwealth Games comin' up, but it's still all interesting. Juji x

When Cupid strung his bow and sent love-infused arrows shooting through the air, I'll bet the mischievous little imp had no idea of the drama he created. What pressure! I reckon so many of us feel like crap if we have no beau to shower us with love and kisses on this one day of the year. Commercialism sucks - big companies praying on people's emotions for the sake of a dollar. Maybe if I had a beau to shower me with love, I'd have a different attitude, but that's another story. Lucky for me, I have lots of love in my life and I don't need to receive an expensive, heart-shaped box of luscious, melt-in-the-mouth, rich, Belgian chocolates good enough to qualify as a mouth-fuck to know it.

However, should someone choose to bring me breakfast in bed, after a long, slow night of loving, massage my feet, take me to expensive restaurants for lunch and dinner, whisper sweet nothings in my ear all day about how fantastic I am, give me chocolates good enough to qualify as a mouth-fuck, and follow it all up with another long, slow night of loving, I wouldn't complain. However, I shall probably clip my toenails instead.

I was gonna write about all the fantastic things lovers can do on Valentine's Day in Melbourne, but given you're either single (or cheating on your partner) if you're on this site, don't know that I will. Come to think of it, singles can do most of the same things anyway with their friends, so here goes anyways.

- Eat some of those love-heart lollies we used to eat as kids. Read the messages to your friends, or send them to hot people at Friendsation.
- Grab a bottle of bubbles, hire a boat at Studley Park Boathouse, and cruise down the Yarra River.
- Visit Heidelberg's Heide Museum of Modern Art and take a lazy lounge on the grass under the gum trees.
- Have high tea at Cuppa Cottage in Sandringham, a really cute, old-world style tea house with a great gift shoppe.
- Picnic or have calamari on the beach at Half Moon Bay, Blackrock (Yeah, I know I'm stuck on that at the moment).
- Have a mineral water spa and massage at Dayelsford (Yeah, stuck on that too, and who wouldn't be)

So that us singles arew reminded that the majority of the population doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day, I'd like to know what you did on February 14th - even if it was polishing your shoes or de-fleaing your dog 'cos there's nothing wrong with that. Juji x

Well last week the boys had their turn fantasising about the female bod. This week, it's our turn girls, and speaking of girls, where are you all? It's great to get the guys' comments and keep 'em coming (pardon the pun!), but this blog needs the presence of more female voices. We are, after all, clever, witty and beautiful. So...the male bod...Mmmm....the mind does wander. What is it that attracts us girls and some guys to the lean torso, the muscly arms, the tight butt (or at least that's what I'm imagining anyway)? Why is it that the female form has been painted by artists the world over, yet finding a decent classic painting of the male bod was a bit of a challenge? If there are any art buffs out there who can point me in that direction, let me know. I could do with a new screensaver!

For me, it's gotta be the chest, the eyes and the arms. But most of all, he needs to be beautiful in mind, body and soul. Yeah, it's a cliche, but it's true. Beauty emanates from within - though I ain't about to pass up a hot bod should it come my way. Hands are important too. While they are ideally strong and relatively hair free, they should have a gentleness about them that indicates they know what to do with them, where to put them, how much pressure to use and so on. I once dated a guy with small hands and fingers and to be honest it was a bit of a turn off. The fact that he turned out to be a f...ing moron didn't help his cause either!

Are there any particular quirky things we like or don't like about the male bod? And how do we feel about the hairy bum? Juji x

Er...I think I found my screensaver. Ooohhhhh...who needs the classics