I'll try to make the whining as brief as possible, then I'll just move into a general laundry list of things I hate, which I gaurantee you will find somewhat amusing/offensive.
I admit, the first list does not warrant much sympathy.
List #1: Why I Am In A Pissy Mood
1. I just moved out of my old apartment and into a house, and my friend Steven who is an acredited second year pyschology major says that moving is one of the most pyschologically distressing experiences, second only to losing your entire family in a forrest fire. Here is what is why my moving is so stressful:
a) My box springs do not fit into my room. (They can't fit in the stairwell.) So my mattress is on the floor, along with everything else...
b) My belongings are strewn about the house. I can't find anything.
c) Due to a & b, my room is not cute.
me: my room is just so not cute.
vanessa: yeah sometimes my room is just so lacking in cute that i have to swallow a fistful of midol with a sip of my cosmo in order to forget it all
vanessa: you know what you need to do?
me: hm?
vanessa: you need to just grab a homeless person off the street and have them fix everything
me: Uh, I don't think homeless people know how to fix things.
vanessa: Jesus Christ, aren't they good for anything?!
me: Not really...
vanessa: Then why do we keep feeding them?
The things that come out of my friends' mouths... wow. Let's move on to #2 of why I'm pissed off.
2. I cannot even REMEMBER the last time I had sex. Fucking HELL! I think it was Thursday. Hey, not that there's any connection here, but where has my boyfriend been? I think his work place swallowed him whole.
3. My sleeping patterns are way out of whack, and I'm not even sure what day it is.
4. I do not feel pretty. (Potentially as a direct result of #2.)
Okay, so, the aforementioned reason have effectievely established that I reside in a pissy mood of royal porportions. Now let me tell you about some (fixable) flaws that I find especially unattractive. (You see, whenever I reside in a pissy mood of royal porportions I like to point out flaws I do not have, yell at small children, call people's pets fat, cut in line at the supermarket, get into arguments with elderly couples, etc. Anyway, right now I am going to talk about flaws.)
List #2: Things That I Really Find Unattractive
If you possess any of the things I find unattractive, chances are I was not intentionally trying to single you out and offend you.
1. Untamed, unshapely eyebrows, especially on girls.
OMFG, fix this. Or let me do it. You all have permission to message me and schedule an appointment.
2. Overtweezed eyebrows, which I hate ALMOST as much as untamed eyebrows.
You can fix this too, believe it or not. Most girls don't know how, so here's a website I found after googling "how to fix eyebrows that are so thin and hideous they make me want to die"
eyebrowz.com/correctingoverpluck
Okay, I didn't really google that phrase word-for-word, per say.
3. Gummy smiles... as in smiles that show a lot of gum. I hate gummy smiles more than crooked teeth.
So if you are a gummy-smile-haver or a gummy-smile-dater, there is hope, I think? You can get your excess gum-tissue removed. Here is a random website about correctional medical procedures I found while googling "ugly gummy smiles that should get fixed." gummysmile.com Like I said, this site is completely random. They might actually be collecting people's gum tissues to aid in a ploy of world-domination via tissue cloning for all I know. Basically all I'm saying is don't immediatley trust anything I google.
Behold the wonders of correctional procedures:
4. Bad fake eyelashes.
I guess if you put them on correctly then they're alright... no, no, they're always slutty and whorrible. I think it goes back to this girl in Mexico that tried to make out with the first guy I kissed. I wanted her and her fake eyelashes to get raped and murdered in a Mexican alleyway.
5. Girls who make out with other girls at parties for attention. I think it can be argued that every girl has a little lesbian in her, but simultaneously, every girl has a little feminist in her. So, ladies: please... if you're gonna let the lesbian in your come out, make sure the feminist in you prevents you and your girl-kissing friend from making out infront of a bunch of drunk frat guys fantasizing about fucking the both of you on top of the keg of keystone.
6. Anyone who lists genres of music instead of actual bands. IS IT THAT HARD TO LIST AN ACTUAL BAND, OR IS SCRIBBLING DOWN 'SOFT ROCK' THE BEST YOU CAN DO?
7. People (especially guys) who take pictures of themselves and post them online to show everyone how beautiful they are. This will never be okay with me. Ever.
The end.
