I am never cooking again! I made pancakes this morning, and first of all it was just a complete disaster (as most things I make are, except chocolate chip cookies but even those too sometimes) and secondly cleaning up just about killed me. KILLED ME. It took the better part of an hour. I'm not even exaggerating. And wow, do I ever HATE cleaning up. I am trying to work on this. When my bestie Becket and I get married (as we joke) we're going to live in filth (drunken filth) because neither of us pick up after ourselves. But then we will get a maid. Two of them, actually.
Oh you know what my new "wtf?!" thing is? (This is going to start being a segment in my blog-- What the fuck?. Here, let's make it official.)
An all new segment: J Patt Asks 'What the Fuck?'
Okay, people with virtually no eyebrows--- I have to ask wtf?
I mean, really. Yesterday I witnessed a Seven Eleven cashier who had almost tweezed her eyebrows out of existence. Plucking all those hairs out must hurt like childbirth, and it just looks trashy like streaky blonde highlights and giant hoop earrings. I couldn't stop staring at this cashier, then I felt bad because I thought what if maybe she hadn't intentionally created the facial monstrosity? Like, what if her face had caught on fire, and she'd singed them off or something? God then I felt real bad for staring because I remembered the time that my hair caught on fire at KappaSig, which was really traumatizing.
Actually, no it wasn't; I didn't notice it burning until some guy was all, "J Patt your hair is on fire!" Then I started giggling. (God, let's add that to 21 Reasons To Go Home: my hair has just caught fire, and all I can do is giggle.) Back to the eyebrows though, or lack thereof. Why would a girl do this to herself? WHY WHY WHY. No one enjoys tweezing (actually I'm sure someone does but k let's just forget about them because no one likes them anyway becuase they're probalby albino too, ewww albino people!) Right, okay, so we've established that excessive tweezing itself is painful and the aesthetic result negative, so from this we can conclude that anyone with unnaturally thin eyebrows fails to understand basic logic and is just plain dumb. Or blind. Blind people are an exception to every fashion rule. But they do get those cool dogs, you know? One time Sparker saw a seeing-eye miniature horse! It was wearing sneakers and a diaper. I'm not making this up. Crazy things happen in the suburbs.
