My friend Penelope got a scary voicemail this afternoon from the guy she's been sexing up recently. He said, "Hey Penelope, I need to tell you something. Call me."
We listened to it again and again, trying to figure out what he could need to tell her. We decided it could be one of two very frightening confessions:
1. He is in love with Penelope.
2. He has an STD.
Penelope couldn't decide which one was worse. Neither could I. I think it depends what STD we're talking about. Actually, I bet he just wanted to tell her he had tickets to a concert tonight or something and wanted to invite her.
I highly doubt he has an STD. He's a Delt (Delta Tau Delta fraternity, or "Dah Tee Dah" as I refer to them), and those boys never get any. But convincing her that she has a venereal disease is just so much fun. I like to watch my friends panic. Now she has her panties in a twist worrying about having an STD. She made me promise I'd go with her to Planned Parenthood to get tested. Planned Parenthood... I've never understood that. Shouldn't it be Preventing Parenthood? It's the same in the supermarket. They keep the condoms on the "Family Planning" aisle. What the hell is with all the planning of family and parenthood? Personally I do not plan on parenting for quite some time. No, I'm certainly not getting mixed up with babies. Or STDs or love. I hear they go hand in hand.
