21 Reasons I Know That It Is Time To For Me To Go Home:
by: Jennifer Patterson
1. I have absolutely no idea where my phone is (or I've broken it).
2. I think that it is hot and seductive to dance on a table/stage while singing to "Call on Me," "Murder on the Dancefloor," or the like.
3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's ass and honestly believe I could do it too. This includes biting.
4. I don't know where I am when I wake up and only realize where I am because of what frat composite is on the wall.
5. I drop my 3 am Kerbey Lane food on the ground and still eat it even though I'm not at all hungry because I already went to Gumby's.
6. I drunk dial my mom, dad, brother or sister, or even better - I drunk dial your mom.
7. There are less than three hours before I'm due to enter a classroom.
8. I am wearing pieces of other people's costumes, including a pair of wings.
9. I am making out on the E bus or am hitting on my cab driver without thinking twice.
10. I decide to pick up an orange construction cone somewhere on 24th street and am now carrying it around as "prop."
11. One or both of my eyes won't stay open.
12. I can't distinguish my car key from my house key, but I think it's a good idea to drive.
13. I yell at the bartender, who I say cheated me by giving me just lemonade, but really I can just no longer taste the vodka.
14. I think I'm in bed and under the covers, but it turns out I'm on the kitchen floor under a beach towel.
15. I start my conversations with a story about something stupid I just did because I am so drunk.
16. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
17. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be standing) and take a quick nap.
18. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it, but later burn myself and others with my cigarette butt.
19. I do not realize that I cut myself with a bottle opener and am bleeding badly until someone points it out to me.
20. I get into a bar with no ID because I kissed the bouncer... twice.
21. I get my ATM pin code and apartment gate code confused. I later try to use my ATM card to get into the parking garage.
