We at UT celebrate Halloween Saturday night. Triple Trouble and Dirk dressed as The Village People. My outfit featured a hard hat and a talking toolbelt, among other things. We showed up thirty minutes early to Dirk's frat and harrassed all the pledges. My favorite pledges of the night included the lion from The Wizard of Oz, the human bar (who had a fully stocked wooden bar encircling his waist and matched shots with you), and Waldo (who made it his duty to appear in every photo.)
We hire a company called TOPs (Take Our Picture) to photograph these fratastic events. I am in pretty much as many pictures as Waldo. I don't remember much of what I did, but apparently I danced quite a bit. I do vividly remember at one point this creep groped me, and I hit him in the mouth with my inflatable microphone. Rumor has it he does this type of thing to everyone, but whatfuckingever, don't TOUCH me. I am VERY protective of my body and, for the most part, extremely modest.
Twenty-seven jello shots later I decided it would be a good idea to take a nap on one of the glow-in-the-dark benches behind the stage. I awoke to my bestie Lux screaming that I had to help her get our friend Marie off of the second Musketeer who is waaay fat and just un-cute. (I won't lie; when Marie gets drunk she's quite the tart and we frequently have to stop her from having unprotected sex with fuglies.) We found her literally on top of the guy. They had backed up in a corner, making out like monkeys. I don't think monkeys make out, but if they did that's what it would have looked like.
We pulled her off of him (who, despite his sense of huomr, ranks probably as a 2 on the hotness scale). I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her, informing her that she was making a mistake and to stop at once.
She ended up in his bedroom. I started crying at this point. I'm not sure why. I think I might have been groped again, and this upset me. I passed out on one of the frat couches in the living room a little after 5am. I woke up the next morning only to find a Blues Brother, a pumpkin, and the human bar all passed out cold in the same room as me.
