A Date With An X...gamer that is.
So the X games. Here in Los Angeles for all the extremers viewing pleasure and mecca of hot-blooded, red-bull drinking, California coastal poster boys. You know the type. Blonde haired blue eyes extremely tanned. Or brunette with striking brown eyes who happens to be blessed with no visible body hair. The short buzzed haired guy with minimal tattoos that manages to still come across like a gentlemen or the Carey Hart badass completely painted in tattoos and enough tricks to make Evil Kenievel look like an amateur. Oh yes, these are the boys of the X Games. While at a party Saturday I spotted one of these lads and conveniently ended up conversing about Hawaii and surfing. What I was really thinking was, "Can I ride your stick?" It didn't take long for me to regretfully wish that the thought had never entered my mind. But, like most first time introductions, I was smitten and ready to party. His name was Trenton*. I know anyone of you (especially girls) who has read a heartfelt article in Seventeen or Teen Vogue has seen the use of that star depicting a name change in order to spare one's identity. In this case, I'm doing so because what I feel for this guy is beyond embarassment and the fact that I even repeat the events of the date is humiliating enough. So anyway...we finally agree to go out on a date the next day. We decided on sushi and made reservations for Koi. Koi is one of those great restaurants that sort of make themselves look ridiculous on insisting that they use a "guest list" and a "door guy" just for dinner but whatever, it's L.A. So I made reservations for 2 and decided that I would meet him at his hotel and we'd go together. Around 7:30 I make my way to the Mondrian Hotel on Sunset Blvd. I headed inside and proceeded up to his room. One step out of the elevator and I hear the sounds of Blink 182 being blast and not to my surprise I followed the music which led me to...his room. I knocked nervously and looked around then he answered. He had no shirt on but my attention hadn't been focused on that since he had a new cast on his arm. "What happened?" I asked. "Ah dude, it was like so gnarly, I was coming off this double peg grind and going into it big with a 360 and I overshot and landed on my arm." Ok, I thought, sounds more like disatrous cooking directions but I sympathized. He said he was ok to go out just as long as he didn't engage in heavy activity. Hmmm, I thought. Apparently he wasn't the only who overshot, my sex drive had just joined in with him.
We proceeded to the restaurant and I wasn't too thrilled that I had to drive but he was up from Orange County and plus, he looked like Brad Pitt. I stopped by a gas station to pick up some cigs and I noticed that he had also smoked. I packed it then opened to light one up. "Can I get one of those?" he asked. He has his own I thought, why is he asking me. He read my mind, "I just don't want to waste any of mine." I tried to react quietly. Waste any of yours? I thought. It wasn't as if the issue at hand was wasting food for Somalia but instead something you merely suck and blow on for an average of 10 min then toss out. What's there to waste!? "Sure." I said, with a smile. So I let that one go. In those ten minutes as I'm enjoying my cigarette he manages to dampen my high. "Hey listen sweetie, I don't have that much cash on me..." Those words made me blink uncontrollably in efforts to make sure I was in fact coherent and hearing correctly. He continues, "I just, I really need to save up and...." I stopped him in his tracks since hearing anymore would have made me slam on the brakes thus killing both of us. Hopefully him first. "That's cool." I said. No it wasn't I thought, are you fuckin kidding me. Still I smiled, turned to him and played it off. "I've got cash." "Cool dude, you're awesome." Cool dude, you're awesome? was it...anyway, we finally arrived there and let me tell you. There's nothing worse than being seen with someone who's getting all this attention and "oh hello mr. blah blah blah i saw that superman seatgrab into the flatland tailwhip ya da da you did on ESPN." Eat it all up DUDE, you're a loser and I'm about to pay for your dinner. Where's my praise! So anyway we get seated and I couldn't help but laugh when a "fan" came over and asked if he could buy us a round. "Ah sure dude, that would be totally cool." He turned to me and said, "dude, this is so cool that people offer free shit." Free shit? Are you fuckin kidding me again? Don't get me wrong, nothing wrong with Free but to glorify it the way he did was just sad. So we took the "free shit" and toasted to a wonderful evening (sarcasm implied on my part). Anyway, I was starving and the thought of food was enough to make me happy again. We chatted mainly about him and his tricks that sounded more and more like cooking instructions grinds, pegs, cancans, ice pick?? Anyway, the food came and I watched as my date hungrily devoured most of the shared plates like a vulture tearing into its prey. I think I managed to salvage 3 pieces of sushi. By the end of the meal I was, STARVING. "Ah dude, I'm like so fuckin full right now." Really?? Gee, I wonder fuckin why. So the bill comes and he conveniently heads to the bathroom. Jerk off I thought. I handed over my card and awaited the bill. Much to my dismay I signed off on the dinner that I had not as so much tasted. But thank god for the "free shit." He comes back and gives me a pat on the back the way guys do and luckily there was no food in my stomach to regurgitate. "Thanks buddy" he said. We head out and I wanted to run to the nearest Taco Bell but sadly we still had plans. We decided to see a movie but had some time to kill. He suggested going back to the hotel and checkin out the Sky Bar on top of the Mondrian and since I did love that place, I thought it would be cool. Do they have food? I wondered...so as we're driving there he tells me he needs to stop by his room. Ok I thought. We go back to his room and I'm thinking he wants some private time and I'm thinking oh what the hell. I might as well get something out of this. No, he needs to use the bathroom. I get into his room and notice about 3 additional cots inside. Plus, lots and lots of clothes and bags everywhere. "Oh don't mind the mess, the guys aren't here, they just left all their shit here." What?? i thought. "There's someone else in here?" "Yeah, like 3 other guys are staying in here with me. Our sponsors said it was cool plus we figured it'd be cheaper and shit." Riiight. Ok, yeah, well, I'm just going to sit over here and hope to god these are clean. I sit and wait and turn the t.v. on. Then, the smell....the smell of number 2 starts to evade the air and at first I didn't think about it then...oh no, no, it can't be, he can't be...he is...oh no. Hell no. He was taking a shit. I didn't know what to do. I paced. Should I leave?? How am I going to play this one off?? Shit. yes, shit was right. Leave..Just leave. I started to the door that's when the bathroom door swung open and I got an even bigger wiff. Dear God! He walk out looking relieved, "Damn, woowee, I feel a lot better now. Let me light this candle." Oh my god, he's even admitting having just taken a shit. He couldn't have left me at the bar to go do this!? I couldn't think, much less breathe. I wanted out. He lights the candle, "Shall we?" he asks. I was appauled. I went. I know, what was I supposed to do? We went up, and I decided to drink it away. And drink it away I did. Somewhere between the kamikazi shots and the dirty martinis I had forgetten about everything. As hard as it is to believe I managed to somehow still find him attractive. We stumbled back into his room and laughed off the night. I think I maybe even lashed out on him how disgusting he was and he didn't seem to care! Anyway, he started to kiss me and I decided to kiss him back. Just as I was telling myself just do it, who cares, you'll never see him again, he's hot even though he's cheap, blah blah blah and it's starting to get all heavy and it's sort of at the point where it's understood that we're going to have sex that's when it happened. The answer to everyone's question having watched American Pie....yes, it is possible. He pulled a Jim on me. He giggled like a little boy and said, "Ooops, my bad." This time I said it out loud, "You've got to be fuckin kidding me." Still he laughed and as I saw a wet spot beginning to grow through his cargos I said, "See you later. Thanks for nothing." Turns out my Xgamer may be the big shot in front of a crowd but one on one he was well, overshot.
***We never made it to the movie which had we gone I'm sure I would've paid for the two of us. By the way, I did get some revenge, when paying the bill at the bar, I managed to politely ask the bartender to charge it to the room. Revenge never tasted better.
Hope it was in the least an entertaining story. There is some suspense to come. I was asked through Blender and MAXIM magazine to attend the VIP Party for the X Games this Thursday and if he is there...well, I'll let you know. I will definitely be there, this time with my girlfriends.
K
